DEFUSING YOUR ANGER
Breaking Free - Part 6 of 8
Ephesians 4:26-27
Arriving home from work at his usual hour of 5 p.m., a husband discovered that it had not been one of his wife’s better days. Nothing he said or did seemed to be right. By 7 p.m. things had not changed, so he suggested he go outside, pretend he had just got home, and start all over again. His wife agreed. He went outside, came back in and, with a big smile, announced, "Honey, I’m home!" "And just where have you been?" she replied sharply. "It’s after seven o’clock!"
Have you ever heard this expression, "It’s enough to make a preacher cuss." It reminds me of story about little boy trying to sell a lawn mower. The local pastor walked up and boy tried to persuade him to buy the worn out lawn mower. The pastor pulled on
the rope several times to make sure the mower would start, but nothing happen. Not even a spit or a sputter. The boy told the preacher that he would have to kick the mower and say a few cuss words before the mower would crank. The preacher said, "Son, I can’t do that. It’s been years since I said a cuss word." The little boy replied, "Just keep pulling and it will come back to you."
This morning we're going to look at how to diffuse our anger. Is there anyone here who has a problem with
anger? Anyone? The fact is, we all get angry. Anger is a normal human reaction. Jesus got angry. 375 times
in the Old Testament it says that God got angry. The Bible doesn’t say, "Don’t get angry." It says,
"In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the
devil a foothold" (Eph.4:6-7). Apparently there is a right way and a wrong way to express anger.
Now, we know that anger can cause all kind of problems, but the real issue is not how to get rid of
all our anger but how to express it in appropriate ways. Let me give you four ways people commonly
express their anger:
1. The maniac. He's a walking time bomb with a hair trigger temper, out of control. He’ll cuss, yell, stomp up and down, throw a temper fit.
A good example in the Bible of the maniac is Cain. Genesis 4:5, 8 says,"Cain became furious and he scowled in anger. And while they were in the field, Cain attacked his brother Abel, and killed him."
This type of person immediately regrets what he said or what she did. They apologize. They're ashamed. We all know this type of anger.
2. The mute. This is the silent type, the one who holds things in, the one who clams up instead of
blowing up. These people typically won’t admit that they're angry. They’ll conceal how they feel.
Their’s is the crock pot version of anger - stewing and simmering and all on the inside. This person
is susceptible to high blood pressure, ulcers, headaches, tension headaches, backaches, all kinds of things
A good example of this was Jeremiah. Jer.15:17-18 says, "I stayed by myself and was filled with anger.
Why do I keep on suffering? Why are my wounds incurable?" He was holding it in and it was killing him!
Have you heard anyone say, "That burns me up!" They're right. The anger on the inside is eating them up.
3. The martyr. These people are pros at pity parties. They are always internalizing. Whenever somebody gets angry they say, "It must be my fault. What's wrong with me?" They internalize their anger and it often leads to depression.
A good example is the elder brother in the parable of the prodigal son. "The elder brother was so angry he
would not go in to the party. So his father went out and pleaded with him" (Lk.15:28). The problem with
martyrs is that they make everybody else miserable too.
4. The manipulator. This is the person who never forgets, never forgives, but lives to pay people back. This is the person who burns your toast, makes you late, forgets things you told them, or teases you hurtfully and then says, "Can't you take a joke?" They retaliate in underhanded ways through sarcasm, jibes, and indirect contact. .
Religious people often choose this form of anger because it seems more spiritual than just exploding. I’ll be nice to your face, but I’ll stab you in the back. That's the manipulator approach. Pretending to be nice, planning to get even. A good example was the Pharisees mentioned in Luke 6:11,
"But they were furious and began to plot with each other what they might do to Jesus."
The point is, everybody gets angry, just in different ways. Each way is learned and the good news is that each way can be unlearned. We can express our anger in better ways, with God's help. How, then, do we diffuse our anger?
First, understand why you get angry.Proverbs 19:11says,"A man's wisdom gives him patience."
The better I understand myself and the better I understand you, the easier it is for me to control my anger. Anger is rarely the real problem. Rather, it is a warning that says something else much deeper is wrong. There are three common causes of anger:
One cause of anger is hurt. When we are physically or emotionally hurt, we get angry. In a recent study of people who have been divorced, slightly more than one third of men and women after ten years still feel `intense feelings of anger' associated with the former marriage." Why? Divorce hurts. The deeper the hurt, the deeper the anger.
Another cause of anger is frustration. When nothing seems to work, when things don't go our way, when we're forced to wait, we get frustrated. We get angry. You need to ask yourself when you're frustrated, "Is this really worth getting angry over?" Rude drivers, waiting in line, spilled food may be irritating but it is hardly the end of the world.
Still another cause of anger is insecurity. We get angry when we feel insecure. If you back an animal into a corner it will eventually attack back. If you attack my self worth, if you embarrass or criticize me and I feel insecure, I'm going to get angry.
So, understand the root of your anger.
Second, trust God to deal with those root issues.
Friends, Jesus can replace your hurt with his love. "Therefore, be clear-minded and self-controlled.
Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins" (1 Peter 4:8).
You may have been rejected, abused, misused, mistreated, unwanted, unloved, and it hurts. You’re
angry. But Jesus Christ can replace that hurt with his love.
Jesus can replace your frustration with his peace. "My peace I give unto you, not as the world gives, but my peace" (John 14:27). It is a peace that allows you to stay cool in a crisis and calm in a traffic jam, an internal peace that is not based on externals.
Jesus can replace your insecurity with a sense of real worth. Eccl. 7:21 says, "Don't pay attention to
everything people say." Prov. 14:26 says, "Reverence for the Lord gives confidence and security to a
man." The secret of overcoming anger is to develop a sense of self worth that remains strong no matter
what other people say about you. How do you get that kind of self confidence? You get it from God.
When you learn to accept that God says you're OK, and that God has a purpose for your life, you won’t
be so uptight about what other people say about you. Your anger level goes down.
Third, stop and think before reacting.Proverbs 13:16 says, "Sensible people always think before they act."
Proverbs 16:23 says, "Intelligent people think before they speak." When we start to get angry,
more than anything else we need to delay our response. Buy some time. How many times have you said or
done something in anger and five minutes later you think, "Why in the world did I do that? If I'd just
thought about it, I wouldn't have done it." Thomas Jefferson once said, "If you're angry count to ten.
If you're very angry count to one hundred."
We need to stop and think before we react. I know that some of you think that when you get angry you can't help exploding. Yes, you can. Have you ever been in a fight at home with your wife or kids and you're yelling and you're mad and the phone rings? What an automatic change! Why? Because you wanted to change! Stop and think before you react. Proverbs 29:11 says,
"A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man holds his temper in and cools it." Cool it is a Biblical term!
Fourth, continually ask God for help.This may be the most important point of all. Galatians 5:22 lists the fruit of the spirit. There are nine but I only want to mention the first four. "The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience..." You can't have your life filled with those four things and still be expressing your anger in wildly inappropriate ways. You can't have love, joy, peace and patience and still be blowing up.
If I take a tube of toothpaste and squeeze it hard, toothpaste is going to come out. If I fill the tube with mayonnaise and squeeze it, what's going to come out? Mayonnaise. If I fill it with chili beans, what's going to come out? Point: Whatever is inside is going to come out when it's squeezed.
That's true with people. When the world puts pressure on you and the deadlines are coming in and the people around you are increasing the level of expectation, whatever is inside of you is going to come out. If you are filled with hostility and hurt and frustration and insecurity, don’t be surprised when anger comes out under pressure. On the other hand, if the Spirit of God is controlling your life you will find yourself filled with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self control. When the world puts the squeeze on your life at the office, at home, in the classroom, that's what's going to come out. Ask God for help.
Friends, anger is just a warning sign that there are deeper issues that you and I have to deal with in our life. Jesus Christ helps us diffuse our anger by dealing with the root problems. Perhaps you would like to pray this simple prayer in your heart: "Lord, help me to understand why I get angry. Please replace my hurt with your love. Please replace my frustration with your peace of mind, the peace that passes all understanding. Please replace my insecurity with your power. Lord, help me to look to you and not to other people for my self worth. Help me to stop and think before reacting. Help me to learn to relax. This week, help me to continually seek your help. Lord, I need your Spirit and the love and joy and peace and patience that you can give. Would you live through me this week? I open my life up to you. Amen.
Brother Polk preached a series of sermons on baptism you may enjoy by following these links.
Baptism - A Meaningful Act | Jump Right In - the Water is Fine
A Paper on Infant Baptism | Infant Baptism?
